LIFE // Popping The Cherry.

No. Not the vagina kind... 

As I'm writing this, I am officially popping my blog cherry - it's fucking great. 

Never have I ever written a blog, nor do I know diddly-squat about how they should be. So hold on, you're in for one hell of a ride! 

I want to go more in depth on the topic that brought me to the creation of this blog - self-love. I have always been someone who struggles with self-love. I can't even say I'm too sure what it is? Where is the line between being confident and being vain? 

I'm going to give it to you straight.  I am neither confident nor vain. I struggle daily with being kind to myself. This is something that drives me crazy because I am someone who loves giving compliments and making people smile! However, I struggle with accepting compliments from anyone else and even worse, I can't accept them from myself! 

I live with the mildest case of depression. When I say mild, I mean that I can opt out of medication and be OK, but I still have my moments, I have my triggers. This is something I work on every day. I like to think that this has everything to do with my 'issue', but that would be too easy! As I learnt when I was 'diagnosed', depression can be hereditary and unfortunately, this is something that runs in my family. I like to think that there are things in my past that have lead to my lack of self-love. Now, when I say that, I don't mean that I am a therapist and these are facts, these are simply just my thoughts about it.

I grew up with divorced parents - they separated when I was a wee one, so I didn't really know the difference of them together or apart!  I grew up mainly with my bigger sister, my dad, step-mom, and step-siblings. My mom was always present in my life, not always physically, but she found her ways! I was fortunate to always play sports, I had clothes on my back, food on the table and all that jazz. I definitely was lucky!  But what was missing from my childhood was the presence of emotional support; that hug once a day to make your heart feel whole, the support to let you know that you are a really special kid. I won't get into the tiny details of this for so many reasons, but I definitely believe that it has affected my life in some ways. Again, I'm not going to go into every single way that this affected me, but focus on the biggest issue - appreciating myself.  

My sister recently sent me this video from TED Talks that just blew my mind! It's about how child-hood trauma can affect health throughout a lifetime (Check it out! http://youtu.be/95ovIJ3dsNk ). Now, it's a bit scientific which usually bores me to death; BUT, this is really interesting and really puts into perspective how important health is, physically and mentally! 

So how do you not let your past predict your future? More importantly, how do you not let your past predict how much love you have for yourself? That is one answer I don't have quite yet... But damnit, I will find it!!

Until next time - Be Well, Be Safe, & Be Happy  

K. xo